By Killian O’Boyle
At an Erasmus plus press conference held earlier today, a hoard of Spanish students announced their plans to block many sidewalks and footpaths across Dublin. A representative for the Spanish students was supposed to give the reason why they are doing this, but unfortunately could not make it to the microphone on stage due to the large number of Spanish students in the way.
Instead, the current Prime Minister of Spain, Pedro Sánchez, made a virtual announcement at the conference thanking Ireland for helping Spain during their ongoing crowd crisis. “I’m currently trapped in my house as I speak. I tried to leave earlier but there’s too many students in the way. I speak not just to Ireland, but to the rest of Europe: please take our students. I want to go outside again. I want to walk down the street and not be forced off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic. I want to get on a train and see it’s only at half-capacity.”
A random twitter user (who we’re going to pass off as an expert on population growth in the name of sensationalism) claims that if Spanish students continue to multiply and stand around at their current rate, Ireland will simply get too heavy and sink into the Atlantic Ocean. Or the Irish sea depending on which part of Ireland you’re in. Or just the sea in general if you think about it since every sea is connected to one another and sea borders are a man-made construct.
Naturally, the news of this sudden impending doom was not taken well by the Irish public. “What’s next? Them blocking access to the airport or accommodation centres? That’ll be me out of a job. So much for Ireland for the Irish” replied one overtly racist twitter user. “I don’t mind them standing around, but couldn’t they get a job or something? I know a tapas place that is hiring near me” replied one covertly racist twitter user. “Hey sexy boy, want to see more? Click the link in my bio xxx” replied one pervertly twitter user. Taoiseach Simon Harris responded later in the day to the Prime Minister of Spain’s pleas, stating that they would take any and all Spanish students who want to study aboard in Ireland. When asked where these Spanish students would live, Harris said he wasn’t feeling well and had to go lie down for a bit and maybe he could answer that question tomorrow when he was feeling better and had conferred with his PR team.
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