It sounds like something cooked up by Waterford Whispers News, but this headline is all too real.
Waterford City and County councils met last week and passed a number of new bye-laws aimed at curbing antisocial behaviour and “protecting children” in public. The new law aimed specifically at foul-mouthed yobs is as follows:
No person shall beg, gamble, use obscene or profane language, behave indecently or cause annoyance.
Speaking to thedailyedge.ie, a spokesperson said that the rule applied to any language that could be considered inappropriate or aimed at causing offence, but that there is no index of what is considered swearing. Anyone caught swearing in a park could face a fine of up to €1,270. Fucking hell.
But it’s not just swearing that are being targeted by the new laws. Smoking, including the use of e-cigarettes, is also banned in parks and other public places, such as beaches.
Waterford Bans All Fun (Basically)
But wait, there’s more! It’s not just smoking and swearing that have been affected by the new legislation. Waterford will also be stamping down on one of the greatest black market crime waves sweeping our nation today: flower picking.
Flower picking accounts for 96% of deforestation worldwide
That’s right, flower picking will also become a prohibited pastime in Waterford thanks to the new laws, and perpetrators could face the same €1,270 fine. How humans have survived the last 10,000 years without this law remains unclear.
The use of model planes will also be banned, which was presumably introduced because nobody on the council knows what a drone is.
Gambling, begging, indecent behaviour (whatever that means), barbeques, bonfires, fireworks, firearms, air-rifles and catapults will also be prohibited.
In the interest of fairness, cycling and skating has been banned outside of designated cycling/skating areas, except for council employees, who are free to do what they want.
Finally, annoying other park users will also be illegal, which essentially means that nobody will be allowed in any of Waterford’s public spaces.
The laws come into effect on the 1st of August, which gives Waterford’s tourism sector just over a month to organise moving the entire city down the coast to Cork.