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By Sandy Scandal

Trinity’s Provost has announced that each student will receive a pack of Crayola colours at the start of the term. The new policy was created to prevent students from becoming bored again (despite their reading lists and upcoming deadlines) which led to campus vandalism last year.

Trinity’s Student Union were almost going to have ask Mummy and Daddy for more money after they were issued a fine for €214,000. The fine was given after the university lost out on revenue from entry being blocked to a big old magical book, that Americans believe will grant them Irish citizenship if they visit it.

Additionally, some students were also reported to have vandalised the campus. However, these disciplinary procedures were dropped after they begged with the provost to let them stay. One of the accused students said “I just wouldn’t know what to do if I was expelled. It’s not so much about the degree. Daddy would get me into his company ya know, but not being able to say I go to Normal People college would be a bit of an issue”.

While the provost was confident the new policy would be the solution, it has been rumoured that the SU are already in the process of using their Crayola colours to make new posters for their next protest. Apparently big global issues don’t just disappear with a few markers. Who knew?

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