Admit it. You’ve downloaded the app, created a profile and started swiping left and right. Nobody’s judging you, it is 2019 after all. And there’s nothing wrong with trying to see for yourself what the hype is all about. But be wary- you’re gonna have to go through a lot of frogs before you find your prince, and here are just some of them:
The Netflix and Chill: You know what this guy wants, and most times he won’t even try to hide it. He’s looking for a bit of fun, no strings attached. And if that’s what you’re searching for too, grand. If not, un-match now and get back on the hunt.
The Ghost: You start talking to this guy, and he seems really cool. He’s funny, kind, loves his mom, recycles and has a puppy. He’s almost too good to be true. And then you meet him in person, and he’s just as lovely. You two hit it off, have a great time together and never stop laughing. And then you say goodnight with a smile on your face. The next morning, you check your phone- hoping to see a message from him. Nothing. No biggie. You wait a few more hours, still nothing. It’s okay, he’s probably just busy. 24 hours later and you decide maybe he was waiting for you to message him first. You open your Tinder and scroll through your matches…. Only to find that he’d unmatched you and you have no other way of contacting him. Consider yourself ghosted.
The Pretty Boy: Once in a while you match with someone who doesn’t look real. He’s too perfect. His smile, his jawline, his eyes… and wow did you see that shirtless picture on his profile? And then you finally meet him for a date. And he does look the same. The only problem is once he opens his mouth. The Pretty Boy is typically all looks and no personality. He’s boring, dumb even. By the end of the date you realize how much your back hurts from carrying the conversation all night. All that beautiful potential… wasted.
The Friendzone: Sometimes you match with someone who ticks all of your boxes. He’s cute, funny, smart, and he actually texts back after you hang out. But something’s missing. A spark. A connection. And as much as both of you wish it could work out between the two of you, you’re genuinely just better as friends. No hard feelings for either person.
Trump Jr.: Believe it or not, some guys out there are actually just as bad as Trump. These are the real ones you need to watch out for. It won’t be hard with all the big red flags they’re giving out. Look out for the ones who refer to women as “females” or try using the “not all men” argument during a disagreement. These guys are usually hot-headed, quick-tempered and easily defensive. Just stay away. There’s no changing them and definitely no “fixing” them.
Now don’t get me wrong, some people do find their Happily Ever Afters on Tinder. But sometimes you have to be prepared to do a little more work to get the reward. And if you’re looking for your Netflix and Chill? Be safe, ask for consent, and have fun!