By Killian O’Boyle

Groans could be heard emanating from the criminal courts today as a serial killer was handed a suspended sentence on the condition that he “doesn’t do it again.

Martin Talbot (34) of no fixed adobe license was found guilty of several murders after walking into a gardai station and confessing to the crimes. Talbot confessed to the crimes as he wanted the media attention but the gardai were taking too long to catch him.

However, due to the confession and a character reference he made one of the victims write in his own blood, Talbot is to be set free on the condition that he attends anger management classes if he feels like it. During the ruling, Judge Logan stated that “the way you positioned the bodies into various shapes after mutilating them clearly shows an artistic side that would be a shame to cut short.” Talbot frequently threatened the judge throughout the case claiming he would be his next victim, which the judge misunderstood as banter.

When questioned about the validity of his sentencing, Judge Logan was quick to respond. “Just because I went a little lenient on this one fellow doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how to dole out justice, believe you and me. I think you’re all quick to forget last week when I sentenced a lad who forgot to pay his TV license to 5 years in the joy. Or what about the kid a month ago who was found with a joint in his possession? I completely ruined his life, let’s not forget that.”

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