The minister for the Department of Social Protection, Joan Burton, has announced that the government will be implementing a new programme to cut down on the number of those claiming the dole. Racial profiling will be implemented in the New Year. The minister announced that the new scheme will cut a further €44 million from the annual budget and came up with the idea after a series of conversations she has had with the nation’s taxi drivers.
The minister has been a victim of ‘plebbing it’ in recent years due to the government’s recall of personal drivers for TDs. This has left her talking to the nation’s taxi drivers who claim that it is, “The foreigners coming over and taking our jobs. They get given a brand new Mercedes by the government when they arrive off the boat and then thye go and claim the dole while working 60 hour weeks as a taxi driver.”
Burton has heard their calls and has taken action. From the 1st of January, those who do not pass the Dulux Paint strip test will have their welfare cut. The minister said that, “The welfare for foreigners will decrease by 10% for every shade darker they are down on the Dulux Paint colour chart.”
The minister mesmerised journalists at a press conference this morning when she recanted the tale of how she came up with her idea for the new programme, “Well I was standing there in Woodies DIY trying to pick out a paint colour for the new extension I have had recently done in my house. That’s when the idea hit me and I immediately grabbed all the brown shades that I could carry in my hands.”
The announcement has been met with outrage by those throughout the internet with social media sites like Facebook and Reddit condemning the move by the minister. The only politician that has met the news with a positive reaction has been, former Kildare County Council Mayor, Darren Scully, who resigned two years ago for racist remarks, tweeted, “Ingenious idea from the minister. #YOLO #TwerkItLikeItsHot.”
The recent move is part of a long line of deceptive initiatives by the government in cutting down the numbers signing up for the dole in recent years. The ministers frequently gather together and laugh about how they have lowered the unemployment rate, but in reality the numbers are deflated due to the fact that if someone is working more than two days a week in an unpaid internship, they qualify as being employed.