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Its that time of year again – the world’s most boring sport is having its biennial golfing gala. To the uninitiated, this event is the Ryder Cup. America’s best golfers take on Europe’s best over 3 days. The winners will be whichever team gets the ball in the hole the quickest… or most, or… the most under pars.
With this in mind, your old pals over here at Oxygen.ie have compiled a list of the 5 best ways to survive the Ryder Cup. No need to thank us, just get us a drink next time you’re out.
If you don’t laugh you’ll cry, right?
For example, calling it the “Ride Her Cup” will supply you and your friends with enough laughs to make it through at least the second day. Also, some of the golfers have funny names, e.g., Bubba, Brooks, and Rory.
Get in the car
Drive to Woodie’s (other hardware outlets are available). Buy 3 buckets of paint – one for each day of the tournament – paint one wall of your house, shed, or caravan each day and watch it dry. Crisis averted.
You don’t want to watch golf for three days
This much is clear. A viable and popular alternative is mystery solving. Delve deep into the world’s biggest conspiracies and find out the truth. Who really orchestrated 9/11? Where did Amelia Earhart really go? Is Elvis really dead? Not according to once popular English pop rock band Scouting for Girls! We are through the looking glass here people.
Form a rebellion
This doesn’t necessarily have to be against the Ryder Cup, but it would be relevant. Spray paint graffiti messages around your town or village. Some good options would be “I hate golf” and “Stop having golf on the telly so much because not everyone likes it and we might like to watch other things”.
Dog Fashion Show
At the end of the day, the best option was right in front of you all along – dog fashion show. Adorn your doggos, puppers and woofers in the most lavish finery you can muster. Gather your family and friends in the front garden to put on the show of a lifetime. Then grimace in smug amusement at the thought of those poor saps sitting inside watching millionaires hit a tiny white ball with a stick.
Also, just for the record, I actually like golf.
By James Simcox