Hipsters all over the country have been left underwhelmed this week as the line-up for Electric Picnic was announced. Despite most of the country not even knowing more than five of the acts due to play at the three day festival, they have still decreed it to be ‘too mainstream’ for them.
Acts such as Outkast, Pet Shop Boys, Beck and Lily Allen with successful music careers and critical acclaim have turned many hipsters against the festival, and the majority are now vowing to only attend little-known festivals in former Eastern Bloc countries or developing nations.
“English speaking nations and bands with songs in the Top 40 are just way too corporate and lame” one Hipster was overheard saying outside the Bernard Shaw. “There’s a really interesting music scene in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia right now”, he continued before having a bottle smashed on his face by a nearby junkie.
Older generations however are more impressed than ever with the acts announced since most of the headline acts were popular at least ten years ago. “It will deter people under the age of 25 from coming so that means there probably won’t be any stabbings this year” said one man in his 40s. “We’re particularly happy that the Slane Girl won’t be able to buy tickets since she’s still grounded.”
The organisers of Electric Picnic have been accused of being ageist by younger fans after offering cheaper tickets to those who have attended the festival in the past. The more past tickets you can provide the cheaper your ticket will be. “How are we supposed to provide past tickets if we were underage and unable to attend?” One eighteen year old asked. The organisers have responded by telling the student to go back to drinking Dutch Gold in fields whilst playing Justin Bieber on her phone at the highest volume.