A new controversial taxation was revealed in the Dáil this afternoon. The Minister of Finance Michael Noonan, told TDs that there will be the installation of water meters inside the vaginal cavity of every female citizen ahead of the release of the new film about bondage, 50 Shades of Grey.
In a passionate plea, to get fellow TDs on board in the voting of the legislation, Noonan said, “I have it on good authority from Michael Lowry, in a note that he passed onto me this week, that there will be so much ‘gushing at the gash’ this weekend that the state should invest in another hydroelectric power station. After a personal investigation into the matter, I feel that we will be missing out on a major revenue opportunity if we don’t tax the pending tsunami of genital juices.”
The Finance Minister went on to say, “While Ireland is turning the corner, in an economic sense, we still need one final push to get us out of the red. I trust that the public will see the predicament of the nation’s finances and will comply with the new legislation in order to continue being good citizens.”
The legislation was quickly passed after a vote this afternoon. Beginning in the morning, Irish Water engineers will be travelling the nation to install water meters inside the vaginas of every female citizen in the country. After watching 50 Shades of Grey this weekend, they will have to check the meter and fill out a tax form which will be supplied with the installation. In order to win over the public’s support on the legislation, Labour told reporters that the women who comply with the legislation will be refunded the price of their cinema ticket in the form of a tax credit at the end of the year.