Oxygen.ie are the first to bring you the exclusive diary entries of a man named Darren who was left to fend for himself outside of his Drumcondra home.
The entries, scribbled on a few pages at the back of a small notebook found just outside the house in question, explained the torment that the man in question underwent.
The diary reads as follows:
7:02 PM
Just got to the house after a long day of work, all the while looking forward to getting in and watching the next episode of Love Island. The wife has got me hooked on it now. Tried to open the door and realised I never brought my keys with me this morning. I reached for my phone and realise I left it at work. I can’t panic, My wife will be back soon from work…probably.
7:05 PM
Panic and unease is beginning to set in now, I am feeling kind of uncomfortable as I sit on my front step. Its been a full five minutes since I got home and no sign of my wife. Where could she be? She is usually back from work by now. As every minute passes, I grow more and more uneasy.
7:15 PM
Well my wife has left me, it is official. You would think she would have had the decency to tell me at least. Its been 15 minutes! I wonder who the fella she has left me for is? It must be that guy Steve from work she always talks about, her work husband….How can she do this to me?
7:20 PM
Im currently pondering what is next for me in life? I am newly separated and I cant even get into my own house to get my stuff. I am thinking of wandering the streets of Drumcondra, scavenging the bins for any sort of food I can find. Its time I become one with nature and live off the land…
7:30 PM
It has been half an hour since I got home, well that’s according to my watch. It has felt like 2 years since I got here, unsure what to do with myself, hoping that those city foxes taste nice should I ever need to catch one.
7:35 PM
I am thinking about that movie 127 hours with James Franco. He cut off his arm in that movie, and now I am thinking I might do the same. It isn’t caught in anything, I just think when someone finds my body, they will say wow, that guy went through some heavy stuff, which will make me seem cool. I will take one of the small sharp stones from the driveway and begin cutting. I will let you know how it goes….
7:36 PM
Nah Fuck that, that was a stupid idea. It would definitely hurt too much. I now have a small, self inflicted cut on my arm that stings a lot. I am literally going delirious with the hunger and thinking of bad ideas all at the same time…. I feel like I am after growing a beard in this 36 minutes…
7:45 PM
Well the inevitable has happened. That 750 ml bottle of Riverrock I had earlier has gone through me and out the other end. I pissed my pants. This is the lowest of the lows. Now I am just a guy who has a cut on my arm for no reason and a wet patch in the crotch area of my Hollister jeans, while sitting outside his own home. I hope they find my body soon.
7:57 PM
Well this is it. the end is nigh. I can’t believe it. Have I done enough in my life. I never travelled or anything. Goodbye cruel world!
Darren was found by his wife two minutes later in tears and in the foetal position. Darren is now going through counselling for this awful time in his life.
John McAuliffe