“Dear O,
Firstly I would like to apologize for the 2am crazy email. I’m looking for some advise, and I know this is totally random but I’ve already asked a few of me mates and now I need a complete outside opinion… everybody is giving me different answers and I’m going insane !!!
I was scrolling through Facebook when I saw the oxygen.ie website and thought hey, those guys seem to be pretty in touch with our generation … maybe they can help?!
Basically, I met a girl a couple of months ago. It was Tinder, but we seemed to have an instant connection.. she’s really hot, (probably too hot for me!!) but our conversation was hilarious and fairly personal right away, and she seemed so keen so we met up within 3 days of matching. Everything went really well and I got the vibes she was defo into me. We met a couple of more times and started to message regularly — not all the time … but just enough to make me feel like I was on her mind !!!
She always likes all my Insta posts. She replies to most of my “general” snapchats … but it’s 2 months on now and we haven’t actually spent any real time together. That sounds so soft or something, but I’m just not into this cyber relationship craic … I don’t have time. I play a lot of GAA and my college work load is fairly heavy this year, I’d rather just meet up than sit around texting or whatever. I don’t get it. She’s showing interest in me, but on the other hand, the whole thing has come to a standstill. She’s always “too busy” to make plans, but then she sends me personal snapchats and goodnight messages. Most of my mates say to just cut her off… but she’s a cool girl like!
Please help me oxygen!!”
Oh, hello there!
Thanks for getting in touch with us. We are in absolutely no way qualified to advise anyone on anything (ever), but sure, we will give it a lash!
We had a big chat here at oxygen.ie HQ (which is basically all we ever do), and we decided that we think you are being “breadcrumbed”.
“What the hell is that?!” we hear you ask.
Well, breadcrumbing is when someone leads you on, just for the thrill of the ego boost. It sounds harsh, but things are obviously pretty hot and cold with yourself and Tinder gal, which is exactly what a breadcrumber does. They use you as prey, and lure you in by giving you lots of attention, but never really in person. They use flattery, sexual intrigue and general soundness – but it’s actually all completely self-serving.
It’s sh*t, and a total mind F*ck – we know!
It’s also really hard to spot, because it involves a lot of social media, which makes it super vague and confusing.
Of course, we think you should trust your gut, and we know you really like this girl, but if something feels off about whats going down, something probably is!
What usually happens with breadcrumbing is that the breadcrumber uses social media, technology, or — in some cases — other friends to make sure they stay on your radar. They will make jokes and tell you that you’re lovely, like all your instagram posts and even some of your Facebook pics, they snapchat you A LOT … but in every other way, they ghost.
We don’t really know anything about anything, but we think they do this to have someone there “just in case” … and you deserve more than “just in case”, don’t you?
Yes, it’s sh*t !
So, what the hell should you do?!
1) Eat The Breadcrumbs
You weren’t expecting us to say that, were you?! Honestly, we think it’s grand for you to nibble on a few breadcrumbs, as long as you KNOW what’s going on! It’s always nice to have a digital admirer, JUST IN CASE ! So, use them as your own personal ego boost, and as long as you don’t go catchin’ feelin’s, you’ll be grrraaaaannnnnddddd.
2) Ghost
Normally, we think ghosting is totally uncool, but if somebody is clearly playing with your head, then ghosting is CLLASSSSSSS. If somebody has been breadcrumbing you, they aren’t very sincere, so it’s fine if you just disappear.
3) Be an Adult
This one is no craic really. But you could just confront them and say WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE AT?
We really enjoyed giving out this advice here at oxygen.ie (and we think we did a fairly decent job), if you have any problem you’d like our non expert advise on, email us any time at editor@oxygen.ie with the subjext line “Dear O” ( just cos that sounds kinda cool, doesn’t it?!).