Dublin 4 to decide whether to become independent nation in “Ballsbrexit” referendum.
The lives of people across Dublin have been thrown into uncertainty after it has emerged that all residents of Dublin 4 will be asked to vote in a referendum to decide on whether the prosperous suburb should become an independent nation and break away from Dublin and the rest of Ireland.
Solicitor Nigel Fitzgerald, of the Ballsbridge Residents Board, had this to say: “I mean COME ON, we all know that us D4 people are a cut above all the other areas of Dublin. Have you even SEEN the state of their hotels?”.
The Ballsbridge Hotel will be re-purposed as the new parliament, becoming the first parliament in the world to include over 100 trouser presses and a sauna.
Bank Manager Fintan stated “Well if we, loike, declare an independent nation, we can set up, loike, a border control which screens anyone entering Dublin 4, which will be helpful for preventing the very serious terrorist threat that we currently face from the northside. I’ve had three of my cars bricked in the past year, loike, three of the good ones. That’s just not on”.
The planned referendum is already causing a lot of controversy, with it being labelled ‘discriminatory‘. Section 3a of the referendum in particular has been causing uproar, with its proposal to build a 0.5km thick “wall” of anti-homeless spikes around the whole Dublin 4 border, which the Board has stated as “a safe distance for the eye to wander outside the border without the inconvenience of accidentally laying one’s eyes on an ‘undesirable‘ loike”.
After it was pointed out to the Board that they had no pre-existing political infrastructure to engineer a move toward independence, they responded by saying that they had “all that sorted already”. They revealed that, after some negotiation, much coercion and the promise of a life-time’s supply of Heineken, Brian O’Driscoll had agreed to head the fledgling state in the event of a vote for independence. To prepare for the role the ex-rugby playing, human-meat-cube has spent the last few months being instructed in the art of diplomacy by Bertie Ahern in a secret political dojo run by the former Taoiseach. O’Driscoll has even been seeing the same ‘wave-specialist’ as the Queen to prepare for the role, see photo.
One nation under B.O.D.
The Board also proposes that if Dublin 4 becomes an independent nation, it should therefore use only its own currency. When our reporter asked what this currency will be, the Board responded “any banknote that is equal or greater than €50”.
Bobby Madden