By Killian O’Boyle
Disappointment rocked the O’Doherty household last night as news spread that the family dog Bernard had used the last of a genie’s three wishes to ask for a big stick. The O’Doherty’s had previously described the elation they felt after stumbling across the magic lamp in a local St. Vincent’s shop for €5, but that mood has quickly turned sour after the discovery of the big stick in Bernand’s mouth.
“At first, I thought, wow, where’d he get that stick? I’m surprised he can even wrap his mouth around that stick” said Brian O’Doherty. “But then it soon dawned on me that this was no ordinary stick. That’s when I knew the damn dog had wished for the stick.” Adding insult to injury, the O’Doherty’s had planned to wish for infinite wishes with the last wish, and therefore were frivolous with the previous two wishes. “I had asked the genie beforehand, if it was ok to wish for infinite wishes” said Sinead O’Doherty, “And he said that was fine. It wasn’t like any of the TV shows I watched where there are certain rules to the wishes or you had to be very specific with the wishes in case they turned into some kind of ironic punishment, it was just wish for something and then it happened. The genie was very sound about it which makes this whole thing so much worse.”
Once the O’Doherty’s had made it known to the local community that they were in possession of three unconditional wishes, many from the local parish had appealed to the couple’s good nature that they might wish for better local amenities or wish for a competent government, but these requests fell on deaf ears. “Well, uh, it’s our lamp. So, like, not to be selfish but, I wasn’t going to be wishing for any of that shite” responded Brian O’Dohery to the claims. “Like if I wanted the admiration of the local community, I could just wish for that couldn’t I? Well, I could have anyway.”
The O’Doherty household have appealed to the Make-A-Wish foundation that they are technically owed a wish and could maybe avail of their services, but so far have heard nothing back. “I guess we have to look on the bright side that we got to use two of the three wishes anyway” said a reflecting Sinead O’Doherty. “I’m glad that we now have a pack of Tayto Cheese & Onion that never runs out, but I do regret wishing that Bernard could talk because we probably wouldn’t be in this mess.” Bernard however, seemed to be elated with his new stick. “I love my stick” replied Bernard when questioned about the usefulness of asking for the stick. “The stick is great. Who are you? Do you want to play? Could you take me for a walk? I need to pee.”